Do you ever find yourself asking why? I do all the time. “Why am I the only one doing all the chores?” “Why don’t my kids listen when I tell them to do something?””Why do I have to tell my husband something 5 times?” “Why do I do all the work at Christmas and then get questioned about it?” The list could go on and on……
I’ve realized when I start asking why questions, I have a problem. The problem is not everyone else but the problem is all me. I’ve found that when I’m asking why, I’m doing nothing more than having a pity party. I don’t really want the answer, I just want to complain. Do I really want the answer to why I’m doing all the chores? Do I really want to hear it’s because I never follow through with our chore charts? That I don’t want to deal with the complaining so I just do it myself and then complain about it?
Do I really want to hear that the reason I need to tell my husband something 5 times is that I talk so much he only hears half of what I say? No- I really don’t want an answer. When I’m asking why I’m just wanting to feel sorry for myself. But feeling sorry for myself doesn’t get me anywhere. It doesn’t change anything. It just makes me feel worse.
So I have vowed to stop asking why and start asking how and what. How can I help the situation? What can I do to make things better? Notice both of those questions are only concerned with me. I can’t make anyone else do anything, I can only control myself. So if I want my husband to hear me I would ask myself what can I do to make sure he remembers the important stuff I tell him? Then come up with solutions that would make me happy. Maybe once a week I can give him a calendar or agenda for the coming week. Maybe I could schedule 1 hour a week for a meeting where we can discuss the important things going on. If I want my kids to help with the chores, how can I do that? What can I do to motivate them? What system will I follow through with?
Once I start asking how and what, it brings back hope and a plan. I’m no longer complaining, I’m acting and accomplishing. I may not come up with the perfect solution the first time, so if I find myself asking why again, I have to go back and ask how and what again. I find that when I pray and ask for guidance with the how and what, I rarely have to ask it again. It’s usually when I try and figure it out on my own that it takes me a few times.
So if you find yourself asking why, just change your thoughts to how and what. I guarantee it will make your life happier.