Jun 232011
 
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Do you think it’s ok to be friends of someone of the opposite sex if you’re married? Well for me it depends on how good of friends we are and how my husband feels about it.  I have lots of people I consider friends that are male. Would I meet them out for coffee alone? Probably not. Would I calI them in an emergency to help me? Yes, but only if my husband was ok with it. If I am friends with a man, my husband has to feel completely comfortable with the level of friendship or there will no longer be a friendship. My husband comes first no matter what. Even if I think the way he feels is crazy or ridiculous. If my husband feels jealous orinsecure, that is never crazy, it’s the way he feels and it’s my job to make sure he’s comfortable.  The day I put another man before my husband is the day my marriage is headed for divorce.

So are opposite sex friendships always inappropriate? No absolutely not, but you do have to be extra careful when developing them. There are some warning signs that you can use to determine if the relationship is appropriate.

Here are some serious warning signs that your “friendship” may ruin your marriage:

  1. You spend more time with your friend than your spouse.
  2. You complain about your spouse to your friend and they listen and take your side. They really seem to understand you.
  3. Your friend makes you feel better about yourself than your spouse. They boost your ego and make you feel great when you’re around them.
  4. You find yourself defending the friendship.
  5. Other friends have started to notice the relationship and ask you about it or have told you it seems inappropriate.
  6. You get excited when you know you get to see your friend and can’t wait to be with them again.
  7. You have even one thought that things would be different if you weren’t married. Or you have feelings for this friend that you’d never have for a friend of the same sex.
  8. You don’t care if your spouse objects to the friendship and/or you fight about the friendship with your spouse.
  9. Your friend admits they may have feelings for you.

 

If you have even one of these warning signs you should seriously limit the friendship or cut it off completely. If your spouse has any problem with the relationship at all you should address it immediately and take action to make them secure. As soon as you start placing other people before your spouse, you’re headed for trouble.

At some point someone in the relationship is going to have feelings they shouldn’t have. It’s just human nature. Then what? You think you would just ignore them because you’re married. The problem is that one little thought then turns into a much bigger thought and before you know it you’re feeling and doing things you swore you never would. Feelings are funny like that. They’re hard to control. If you limit or eliminate your opposite sex friends, you’ll never have to deal with any of the problems associated with it. You’re actually protecting your marriage. With the divorce rate these days I’m willing to do anything to protect my marriage.  What do you think?

 

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