I was talking with a friend of mine a few weeks ago about how many people she knows that are having affairs. They are breaking up their homes and ruining their children’s lives over something that many times started out so innocent. Most of them are going through divorce over it and a few are trying to save their marriage. I thought “I really need to write about that”, but then I kind of forgot about it. Then last night I had a dream and at the risk of sounding crazy, I was compelled to write about it. My dream was actually about a man in this situation but, as I was writing I found it easier to write it from a woman’s perspective. It really doesn’t matter, the following scenario can apply to a man or woman. It can take place at work, at the gym, or anywhere you go regularly. It’s the way you handle the situation that matters.
It all seems innocent enough, a little flirting with the new guy at work. It’s a great way to boost your ego and make you feel good about yourself. You love your husband and your
marriage is going ok so it’s ok to look as long as you don’t touch right? You start to dress nicer for work and really look forward to going. The world just seems to be a better place. You’re not doing anything wrong, you haven’t touched, just innocent flirting. But you’ve noticed you’ve let your mind wander and wonder what it would be like to hold hands, maybe steal a kiss. The thought of it gives you butterflies. The mere thought of him makes you smile. And that’s the problem – an affair starts with a thought. If you’re thinking about it you’ve already crossed the line. Stop now before it’s too late. So what can you do? You work with this person, you have to see them everyday. It’s really not an option to just cut contact, or is it? If you’re having these thoughts, you must immediately do the following:
1. Transfer, or request a new partner, move branches, whatever it takes. Take a pay cut if necessary. This is a life threatening situation. It requires drastic measures. Are your husband and children worth it? Do you want to lose everything that you care about? Get away from the temptation any way you can. Your ego and emotions will be coming up with all kinds of reasons why you can’t do it, but think of it as life threatening. If you found out you’d die if you continued to work with that person, what would you do? So do it!
2. If you absolutely can not get away from them, or need some time to find another job, cut as much contact as possible. Stop the flirting immediately. Do not feel the need to explain yourself either. Do not tell them of your attraction to them. Just decide because of your commitment to your family you are going to remove yourself as much as possible. Then do it – no excuses.
3. Do not let your mind entertain anymore thoughts of them. If you find yourself thinking about them, chant to yourself “I love my husband and family”. If you focus on this thought for 17 seconds, your mind will change it’s course. Do that every time your mind wanders, even if it’s 500 times a day.
4. Change your way of thinking. Every action is preceded by a thought. Think the right thoughts and you’ll get the right actions. Don’t ever entertain a thought you know is wrong. Train your mind, don’t just let your mind run wild with whatever thoughts it wants to. You are in control of your thoughts and your life. Take control and only think thoughts that align with what you want out of life.
I hope you realize the severity of your thoughts and that it’s not just for “fun”. You made a serious commitment when you got married and one component of honoring that commitment is to avoid temptation. Only you have the power to control your thoughts. If your thoughts are under control, you never have to worry about your actions. I hope if you’ve been having “innocent” thoughts about someone, you change your thoughts and save your marriage. Otherwise, your next step will be searching the internet for how to get your ex back.
