May 152011
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Did you hear about the pastor in New Jersey that urged his 1,100 church followers to quit facebook because it causes so much marital difficulty? According to The Daily Mail, Rev. Miller gave his 50 married church officials an ultimatum – delete their Facebook accounts or quit. He hasn’t made such demands on the congregation, however he has appealed to them to stop using the social networking site.

When I first read that I thought it was crazy and then I really started to think about it and some married people probably do need to quit facebook. I think an ultimatum to the church officials is a little over the top but some married facebook etiquette would be good. So I’ve taken it upon myself to give set some etiquette rules for married facebook users.

  1. Don’t air your dirty laundry on facebook. If you have an issue with your spouse, discuss it privately. You don’t need all of facebook to know when your spouse messes up. What happens when you make up? Now everyone thinks your spouse is a jerk and you look like an idiot for putting up with them.
  2. Don’t correspond with past relationships with out your spouse’s full knowledge and consent. If your spouse doesn’t want you to be friends with you ex on facebook don’t do it! That just opens the door for all kinds of problems, especially divorce.
  3. If your spouse does something really crummy like cheats on you and leaves, don’t announce it on facebook. Most people will find out about it anyway and it will just make you look bad to announce it to everyone. When you speak bad about someone it makes you look bad. I know it feels good to tell the world what a jerk they are but it won’t change what happened and will only make you lose dignity.  
  4. Don’t flirt with other people on facebook even if it’s in a playful, innocent way. You may have a great relationship with someone and playfully flirt even in front of your spouse. But usually there are a number of people that are your facebook friends that don’t understand the relationship and you end up looking like a jerk.
  5. Let your spouse have full access to your facebook. If you have nothing to hide, you won’t mind them snooping around. My husband and I have each others passwords and are happy to share all of our info with each other. But we also know that if the trust was ever broken and one of us posted something or sent something from the others account that would be the end of that.
  6. Don’t spend hours on end playing Farmville, mafia wars, etc, etc, etc. Seriously don’t you have other things to do? I think that alone could ruin a marriage. Nothing is more unattractive than an unproductive spouse. Limit yourself to an hour a day. Set a timer if you have to. Turn off the games and go live life!

 Maybe facebook should require a contract from married people pledging to follow the above etiquette rules before they join. It sure would stop a lot of problems. Feel free to post these to your facebook for all your married friends to see and please let me know what you think by commenting.

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