Do you find yourself talking to your friends about your spouse or what’s happening in your relationship? Do you ever complain about your spouse to your friends? We women like to call it “venting”. What good does it do? Well, as women, we say it just makes us feel better. We need to talk it out. And if your friends agree with you, it does boost the ego and make you feel justified. Unfortunately, as good as it makes us feel, there are 4 good reasons not to do it:
1. Whatever you talk about you bring about. If you don’t think this is true, try only talking about positive things for a week and see what happens. Only talk about the positive aspects of your spouse or only the nice things they’ve done for you. If you can’t think of anything positive to say, don’t say anything.
2. Your friends will have a negative view of your spouse. I know your friends have good intentions and they don’t think it will affect the way they feel or treat your spouse, but the bottom line is – it does. When you hear something bad about the way someone behaves, you may try to give them the benefit of the doubt but realistically, you know what you know. If you know your best friends husband punches holes in their walls when he’s angry, you view him differently, it’s just human nature. Only talk about your spouse in a good light, always build them up, don’t tear them down.
3. Friends like to gossip. You may not care if Susie or Joe knows what’s happening but chances are they won’t keep it to themselves. Their gossip may affect your life in ways you never anticipated.
4. It doesn’t improve your situation. Your friends may agree with you, which makes you feel better but it sure doesn’t change what’s going on. It really doesn’t matter how many people think you’re right if your spouse doesn’t. Focus on what will fix the problem, not what will make you feel better.
If you absolutely have to talk about your problems, find someone who has the kind of marriage you want and ask them how they do it. You wouldn’t ask someone dying of malnutrition how to eat healthy. So why would you ask your friends that are in mediocre marriages how to have a great one? Go to someone who you feel has a wonderful marriage and ask them to help you.
I never give much thought to venting about my spouse, but I realise now that it is not right. It is difficult to turn things around once your friends are negative towards your spouse.