Who I am
My name is Tammy Swafford and I’m a stay at home mom of 3 wonderful kids and wife to my loving husband, Dale. My husband is a firefighter and I am blessed to be able to stay home and raise our children. Most importantly I am a christian with a strong faith in God. I’m a member of one of the largest churches in the US, Central Christian church and help lead a bible study there every Thursday morning. I am also a marriage coach and very passionate about helping people have a happy marriage. I love to travel and spend time with my family.
A few years ago I was miserable. I felt like my marriage was hopeless. I was a stay at home mom on the brink of becoming a single mom. I was miserable and terrified of what a divorce would do to my kids. My husband and I just couldn’t seem to get along. We were constantly fighting and it was affecting our kids. I was so miserable I didn’t want to be married anymore. But I just couldn’t stand the thought of my children being raised in a broken home. One of the main reasons I didn’t want a divorce was that my parents divorced when I was 8 years old. I know what a divorce does to kids. My mom ended up on welfare for a few years and struggled as a single mom. Luckily for me, my Dad was always in my life and didn’t abandon his obligations. But there is definitely something to be said for having a Mom and Dad in the same household. I was raised with little supervision and barely passed high school. I was much more interested in partying than studying. I did get my act together and eventually went to the University of San Diego where I graduated Magna cum laude with a 3.9 GPA in Business Finance. I think that God had his hand on me even then, leading me in the right direction. After I graduated I was book smart but definitely not relationship smart. Not having good role models for marriage was definitely a challenge. However, I decided I was going to save my marriage and I was determined to make it happy. That’s exactly what I did and now I share my story with other people and help take their marriages from hopeless to happy.
Our story is probably a lot like your story, we met, fell in love and were married within 2 years of dating. I just couldn’t imagine my life without him. We had so much fun together and hardly ever argued. He was just perfect for me. We got married and 3 years later had a baby, then another baby and another baby. My focus was no longer on him. I was overwhelmed with everyone’s needs. I couldn’t understand why he didn’t understand. I felt totally unappreciated and so did he. We went to counseling for years and it would help for a little while but then things would go right back to the way they were. We were eventually so frustrated with trying we just didn’t want to try anymore. It seemed nothing would work. About the time we were deciding how we could split, I started going to church. The church just happened to offer a 3 day course on saving your marriage. (they never offered it before and haven’t offered it since) I’m pretty sure that was part of God’s plan. I wanted to go but my husband said no. I bought the course anyway and told him I was going with or without him. Eventually he changed his mind and that proved to be a lifesaver for our marriage. It taught us how to fight fair, which was so detrimental to fixing our relationship. We still had so much work to do and a lot of the time I felt as if I was doing it on my own. One thing I learned is it doesn’t matter. I can only control my own actions and fix myself. The first thing I did was quit complaining about my husband. I only spoke positive about my marriage. Then I inundated myself with positive thoughts through reading, cd’s, the bible, anything that made me feel good and improved me as a person. Once I changed, then my husband, marriage and all my relationships began to change (at least how I viewed them which is all that matters). I used to think the counseling mumbo jumbo about working on yourself was silly, I just wanted him to change and everything would be good. I was doing everything right (or so I thought). Now that I know the only person I can change is me, I try never to change anyone, just control the way I react to them. We still have challenges in our marriage, everyone does, but I look at them as challenges now not problems. I know we will get through it. We have a new respect and appreciation or each other. I now know what people mean when they say their husband is their best friend because my husband truly is my best friend.
Why I do what I do
I created this site because I know how it feels to want more from your marriage. I know how it feels to have no hope of it getting better. I want to give people hope and encourage people to not only save their marriage but make it wonderful. If I could do it, you can too.
If you have children you owe it to them to keep your marriage together. I don’t believe kids are better off in a split home if the parents can’t get along. I believe it’s up to you to fix the problem and commit to making your marriage all you want it to be. Divorce is taking the easy road for the adults and putting the burden on your children. That doesn’t mean staying in a miserable marriage, it means making your marriage wonderful! Too many people get divorced and spend a ton of energy on new relationships. If they’d use that same energy and put it into the marriage they have, so many lives would be changed for the better.
I believe if you were in love once, you absolutely can rekindle that love and have an amazing relationship. I want to show you how.
How to connect with me
I would love to help and encourage you. I would love to be your marriage coach. Please contact me via the contact page or click here and let me know how I can be of service.